Well, OK, you say. So solitude is essential to individuation, but that doesn’t change the fact that the experience sucks. Yes. There is no getting around the fact that the whole business falls on our own shoulders: nobody can do it for us. There really is no one but the individual to do this. You have to assume responsibility for yourself and your life, and by accepting this truth you throw yourself back on your own resources. No one else can find out who you are and what you are made of. In recognizing this and accepting this reality you take a big step in growing up. This is the first step, what I have referred to in an earlier essay on this blog site as internalizing a locus of control.
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Ultimately, solitude is a paradox. The Jungian analyst James Hollis expressed this well: “When we are not alone when we are on our own, then we have achieved solitude.” Given the predominance of Extraversion in American society, we tend to overrate company, crowds and being with others, and underrate the value of solitude. Succumbing to these Extraverted pressures means we never make our own acquaintance, never come to know the characters of our inner city, and never develop the self-sufficiency that allows us to know we are never alone.
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Developing self-sufficiency and self-discovery are two reasons why experiencing solitude and loneliness are core features of living consciously. We can never really grow up, heal the wounds of our early life, and develop our personality without time alone with ourselves. Daryl Sharp, a Jungian analyst, minces no words on this point: